For me, a woman who is absorbed in her work, who does not care about gaining one’s favor, strong yet subtle at the same time, is essentially more seductive. The more she hides and abandons her femininity, the more it emerges from the very heart of her existence.

" You're Insecure , do no what for "

Couldn't sleep , been thinking a lot and it brought me to the past .

Questioning myself , been wondering .. I grew up so fast ? Seriously , I felt like yesterday I registered for high school ! hahaha No . I finished high school already , it's 2012 already , lol I'm working already , as a part-timer at a coffee shop , a weird coffee maker hahaha , while waiting for SPM result *CRIED OUT LOUD *Am scared , scaredddddddddddddddddd !

.......................................

I hate reminiscing about the past . Hate it ! hate it ! Because all the questions attacking me :( 

1. After 11 years of school , what did I achieved ?

2. 17 years of living ( yes 17 because I'm November's baby  ) , what people think about me ? 

3. Just finished my SPM and did I do well ? What did I wrote on my papers ? zzzzz fakkk this shit .

4. Why did I grew up so fast ? :'(

and the list goes on ...

And SPM result coming out soon :(  I wanted to know my result but bit of my mind thinks that's not a good idea .

" What if I didn't get what I targeted , what if I make my parents dissapointed , what if this , what if that .... " 

 I hate being unsure , confused and ended up staying up whole night and thinking about the same thing all over again .Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh !!

Forever sighs . Forever confused .

Sometimes you're just so angry , stressed , and confused , and you feel like your head is about to explode . All those feeling just turn into tears , and the people think you're just weak.

Yeah , what do I have right ? I'm not rich ,  but I felt lucky with my life . I'm not pampered / spoiled with money , at least . " Nak apa - apa , usaha lahh ! " My mom always reminded me , money doesn't come easily , and money can finish by second .But , I have a lot of wishes , I have a lot of things I wanted to have . I have lots of place I wanted to go .  Just that , ............ (sighs)


I'm not pretty . I have pimples , black spot , fugly fugly scars everywhere on my face . I have chubby face and really I'm not pretty . No , I'm telling the truth and I'm not seeking for attention . Well , as a girl , myself , I felt insecure all the time ( but of course not with you , if you get what I meant )  But , I just kept myself like this so that people accept me , with this face . Not edited , or make up or stuffs . I don't want to be like this , " Hey you're pretty , let's be friend " Then , those " not - so - good - looking - people " don't deserve to have friend ? 


Nowadays , the society is fucked up . Only the rich , the famous , the pretty and charming people deserve attention . How unfair isn't it ? Yeah this is the society we lived now . Been there . It hurts sometimes . Who even cares ?


Ignorant people . Judgemental people . Sick society . Attention-seekers everywhere . SICK . 


Maybe you don't like the way I talked, the way I tweeted or whatsoever . Yeah you can label me two-faced , ungrateful whatsoever . You should know, it's you , yourself who made me change . You always blamed me , bitching about me to your friends and yeah Aku ni siapa kan ? Aku ni Nothing , tak kaya . Takde member yang BEST macam kau ada tu . Tak cantik macam kau . Aku nak belajar dalam negara , " Malaysia ? Apa class sial , belajar luar negara lahh kan "  Yeah , aku tak mampu nak belajar luar negara , kat Malaysia  je . Yeah , aku tak masuk private college , aku belajar kerajaan je dohhh .


But this is what I promised myself  . I will buy a car , a house and travel whole world , with my own money  . Not my parent's , not a single cent .